


Am Cat, Fave Food Is Plastic

by the_genderman



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Cats, Characters Play Dungeons & Dragons, F/F, Fluff, Gen, carol danvers/maria rambeau - Freeform, minor cat chaos, the ship is there but not the focus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 11:22:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20705165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_genderman/pseuds/the_genderman
Summary: Nick Fury learns the hard way that his new cat has a taste for plastic, specifically his D&D minifigs.





	Am Cat, Fave Food Is Plastic

**Author's Note:**

> This is a no-powers modern AU. Modern because I attempted to do some very brief research into Advanced Dungeons & Dragons Second Edition, which was the current edition in 1995, and I can’t. Partly because it's confusing, partly because Carol is absolutely RP’ing a warlock, and warlocks didn’t happen until 2007 (I’m pretty sure, but don’t quote me on that, though? That’s the date my group’s DM said when I asked about warlocks).
> 
> Maria is an elf monk, Carol is a human warlock, Monica is a half-elf sorcerer, and Natasha is a tiefling rogue.

“Alright. You continue down the tunnel. The passage narrows as it continues slightly upwards,” Nick Fury explains as he draws the lines delineating the dungeon tunnel his group is traveling through onto the vinyl mat. “The tunnel is now ten feet wide. Thirty feet ahead of you, it turns abruptly to the left. You can’t see past the turn. What do you do?”

“I roll perception, I want to see what the floor of this passage looks like,” Carol asks, remembering the explosive rune her warlock had stepped on in the last room. “Uh, let’s see… that’s an eight.”

“The passage looks empty. You think it looks like any old cave floor,” Fury explains.

“I move up next to Carol,” Maria says, picking up the minifig representing her monk and moving her three squares forward, “and roll perception, too. I have proficiency in perception and didn’t make wisdom my dump stat.”

“I’ll allow it,” Fury nods. 

Carol gives an exaggerated sigh. Maria shrugs, grins at her, and rolls her d20. Monica rolls her eyes and pretends not to notice her moms’ subtle flirting. She reaches down and starts petting Goose, Fury’s orange rescue cat, as she wanders up and sits down next to her chair.

“Ha! Dirty twenty!” Maria exclaims, reading her roll and adding her bonus. 

“It still looks like a cave floor,” Fury says. “You don’t see any runes or markings. It’s very clean, free of dust, loose rocks, guano, or anything similar, so you can definitely see that there are no markings on the floor.”

“Anything on the walls or ceiling?” Natasha chimes in, moving her rogue up behind Carol’s warlock.

Monica stops petting Goose for a moment to move her sorcerer up behind Maria’s monk, keeping the party tight together. They don’t want to get separated again.

“Do you want to roll perception or investigation for that?” Fury asks.

Natasha gives a hum of consideration. She remembers the piercer that her rogue had barely managed to dodge away from as the rune explosion dislodged it from its perch. Would she be investigating the ceiling for more piercers, or attempting to perceive if any of the stalactites looked different?

“Investigation,” she decides, and rolls. “Eighteen.”

“Alright, what are you investigating? What are you looking for?”

“Evidence of more piercers. Do any of the stalactites look funny? Are there claw marks from piercers climbing back up the walls?”

“All the stalactites look like stalactites,” Fury says. “None of them are moving. The cave walls are smooth and you don’t see any claw marks. Monica, would you like to roll, too?”

“No thanks,” Monica replies. She picks up her character sheet and flips to the third page. Goose meows, complaining about the sudden lack of pets. “I’d like to ready a spell,” she continues.

“Ok, what spell and what condition?” Fury queries.

“Catapult, first level slot,” Monica decides.

“Do you have a projectile ready?” Fury asks. “You don’t see any debris in the passage you think you could use.”

“Wait, really?” Monica replies, raising one eyebrow. “Ok, I don’t want to use catapult. I want to prepare ray of frost, under the condition that as soon as I turn the corner, I cast it.”

“Good idea, use a cantrip in case there’s nothing there,” Maria nods.

“And you want to go first…?” Fury asks. Sorcerers are not exactly known for leading charges due to their usual lack of armor and low HP.

“Hm. No,” Monica considers. “I’ll go behind Mama, but to the side so I don’t hit her with my spell.”

“Thank you for that,” Carol says with a grin.

“Ready to move?” Maria asks. “Same order up to the turn?”

The rest of the party voices their assent and Fury leans in to move the minifigs forward to the turn. He positions them, looks up to the group for confirmation, then draws more of the passageway. He takes an electric blue d6 out of his dice bag and places it fifteen feet ahead of the party.

“As you turn the corner, you see a faint blue glow from down the passage,” Fury explains. “Monica, you cast ray of frost. Roll your d20.”

“Fourteen,” Monica says, standing up and leaning forward to pick up her die; it’s managed to cross the entire mat and hit Fury’s DM screen.

Goose takes the opportunity to jump up onto the temporarily vacated chair. She gives a smug little chirp. Monica sits back down, squeezing in next to Goose. She’s hanging off the edge of the chair a bit, but she likes Goose and Goose likes her. 

“Your bolt of ice shoots between Carol and Maria and continues down the passage,” Fury recites. “It looks like it’s going to hit the mysterious blue thing, but it stops just short. It bursts against something solid, tendrils of frost crawling quickly across something, you can’t quite see what it is.”

“Oooh, I know what it is!” Monica exclaims excitedly, leaning forward, both hands on the table. Goose jumps up next to her and sits down, observing the tabletop goings-on.

“Monica, roll a d8, and everyone roll initiative…” Fury says with the rattle of a die behind his DM screen and a slightly smug smile.

As the players roll, Fury opens his tackle box of minifigs and pulls out a transparent plastic cube, hollow, and two inches on a side. He opens the bottom of the cube, pops the blue d6 inside, and plonks the cube down on the mat where the d6 had been spotted.

“I knew it! It’s a cube!” Monica says, glancing between her fellow players, grinning excitedly. “Oh yeah, I got a 2 on the d8 and a 13 for initiative.”

Fury writes down the initiative order (Carol, Monica, Natasha, then Maria) and the damage to the gelatinous cube, then pushes the figure two squares forward. “Unfortunately that ray of frost slowed it down enough that it can’t reach you, but yes, you have come face to face with a gelatinous cube which, after being hit with that ice ray, knows you’re here and thinks you all seem like a nice snack. The cube somehow managed to roll better than all of you, despite being a giant block of Jell-O, and uses its turn to move towards you. Carol, what do you do?”

Before Carol has a chance to answer, Goose rises swiftly to her feet and bounds across the table, knocking over a dice tower and nearly stepping into Natasha’s drink. She chomps the gelatinous cube minfig, picks it up, leaps off the table, and dashes off into the next room.

“If you’ll excuse me,” Fury says, standing up, “I need to go retrieve my cube.”

He leaves the room, following Goose’s trajectory. Carol smirks as the faint strains of cat-dad baby-talk drift in from the next room. Monica giggles. 

“Goose, be a good kitty and give the cube back. Do we eat plastic? No we don’t. We don’t eat plastic, ok? We don’t eat my minifigs. These are not for eating. Do you want a treat? No? You don’t want a treat? You’re going to go up on top of the bookshelf, are you? Ok. Just don’t chew it open and make yourself sick. Plastic is not kitty food.”

Fury returns to the room. “Due to unforeseen circumstances, we will now be using this cat treat as a stand-in for the gelatinous cube,” he announces, placing a fish-shaped treat nugget onto the spot formerly occupied by the cube. “Please continue.”


End file.
